A Dad’s Point-of-View: Change is Good; Change STINKS

By Bruce Sallan
Bruce Sallan
Bruce Sallan

We all have our weak spots and change is one of mine. I know change is good – much of the time, but that doesn’t make the fact that I like things to be a certain way, in a certain place, at a certain time, certainly! I resist change. And, change fights me. We simply don’t like each other.

One of my favorite sayings is, “the only thing that I control is what I eat for breakfast,” which is a perfect way of expressing my disdain for change and my constant struggle with having so little control in my life. At least eating the same breakfast seems largely within my control.

Our family therapist says that moving ranks up there on stress levels with the loss of a spouse. We are moving. We are also trying to sell one house while having already purchased another (the one we’re moving to). The other changes occurring at this same time include:

~~ Our youngest son is preparing to go off to college – Syracuse University – thus leaving us an empty nest.

~~ My selling of my beloved sports car since it’s not a practical car for where we’re moving and, consequently, my having to share a car in the short term with my younger son.

~~ My work life is undergoing re-evaluation during which time my routine has been all but eliminated. And, therefore, my daily life is all of a sudden more empty than it’s been in years.

~~ Marriage: always a constant challenge.

I am always amazed at how my mind and emotions fight one another. We are in the process of selling a house. The word “process” is exactly the right word. It is something that takes time, goes through various phases, and requires patience unless one is very lucky.

Our house is well priced, in a great area, has already generated a lot of interest, and has been on the market for only a short time right at the beginning of the best time to sell a house. All will be well, my mind says. My emotions leave me with an upset stomach.
My mind knows that selling my beloved sports car was the smart thing to do. It needed new tires and the sooner I sold it the better since I wasn’t going to take it with me to the mountains. My emotions can’t stand sharing a car with my son, which we have to do temporarily, until he goes off to college in August.

My mind atrophied the last time I wasn’t actively working. It took me several years to figure out the next phase of my work life and I found a wonderful balance of work in Social Media and Traditional Media. I began exercising my mind in a way that actually made me feel smarter. I made new real and virtual relationships that enriched my life. I could do my work from literally anywhere, as long as I had my laptop and an Internet connection. Pretty sweet!

Then, like falling dominoes, things went awry. First, an errant tweet caused a firestorm of hate. My radio show had already ended (my own choice) and now my second biggest endeavor - #DadChat – was in jeopardy due to the haters and the lack of (public) support among my community when the haters emerged. I understand that reaction. It’s easier to hide than take them on.

It has forced me to review how and what I want from Social Media, which until this “hate” episode, had been a dominant part of my life – perhaps too much so. How and what I think the value of Social Media is to me and where to proceed from here is the question I’m pondering (now). I will likely experiment with bringing #DadChat back – after putting it on hiatus several weeks ago – but we’ll see.

Marriage is a conundrum and things have surfaced between my wife and me that needed exposure and discussion. A good marriage will always have its struggles and the fact that my wife is expressing herself and that we are mutually willing to work on our marriage is a testament to our likely good future together. I won’t dwell on these issues in this forum.
Faith is the word that comes to mind next. I can control what I eat for breakfast. The rest is out of my control. I hate change. Perhaps a little prayer would help?
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 Bruce is the author of “The Empty-Nest Road Trip Blues: An Interactive Journal from A Dad’s Point-of-View” and “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation.” He gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate, as well as explaining Social Media to the world in layman terms. He carries out his mission with his books and his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, his “I’m NOT That Dad” vlogs, the “Because I Said So” comic strip, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his extensive community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6-7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

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