A Dad’s Point-of-View: I’m Mad as Hell, but What Can I Do About it?

By Bruce Sallan
Bruce Sallan
Bruce Sallan

I recently returned home after an extended “leave of absence” during which time I skied a bunch, attended a Dad conference in New Orleans, and spent 2 ½ weeks in Boston helping my son with his sophomore year and packing up to continue whatever is next, back in California (he’s not returning to school in Boston).

Within a few days of returning home, the accumulated minor and not-so-minor health issues I’d put off were all scheduled. Some skin cancer had to be handled with not very unpleasant procedures and that is half-done. I’m not sure the root canal will be so pleasant coming up soon.

My aching shoulder wasn’t injured in that ski fall but I’ve gotten a nice case of arthritis there. At my internist, he said that my blood test results were all pretty good though my weight had stayed up where it shouldn’t still be.

My wife and I are somewhat at odds over tension related to preparing our house for sale and maintaining the way she wants it to look AT ALL TIMES. She’s “our” real estate broker so I can’t fire her. I’d like to find a real estate agent that actually is a little concerned with the client’s opinion.

Then, I have two teenage boys. Well, one is technically no longer a teen but his behavior in many ways still is stuck in that phase while at the same time demonstrating occasional maturity and brilliance. The roller coaster of his moods is truly as “thrilling” as any real-life ride. Note: I get nauseous on roller coasters.

His younger brother is sort of the opposite in that he keeps ALL his feelings inside so I never really know what is going on. The monosyllabic responses to “how are you?” and “what happened at school today?” are familiar to any parent. And, when he ever does need anything, it’s often asked for at the very last minute such as when I’m sitting on the toilet reading something important.

Then, there are the world events currently going on, with the kidnapping of hundreds of Nigerian Christian girls particularly sticking in my craw. Is that the right phrase? Is it politically incorrect? After all, I might want to speak on a college campus someday and I sure don’t want to be boycotted or have the professors rail against me.

Speaking of college campuses, my oldest friend in the world is currently irritated with me because of my outspoken and regular criticism of colleges today. Some of these criticisms are based on my personal recent experiences, after hearing and seeing what my 6-figures-for 2-years-of-tuition at a Boston college got my son -– and got me --- NOTHING. Mostly, I rant about the speech codes and other biases I tend to hear about at many universities today.

My friend, David, is a professor of Communication at a good college on the East Coast. He is so very articulate in his defense of the general college system and his attack on what he claims is my repetitive and narrow-view of college life. He’s right and my respect for him trumps my gut beliefs about the state of college affairs. I do intend to make a serious effort to moderate my position or to do my very best to present the other side.

Lastly, and most troubling I suppose, is our crazy neighbor. He is literally disturbed and has been terrorizing the neighborhood AND his own family for years. The police do nothing and we seem powerless as well. They told us to install complete video surveillance and perhaps we can get something done when he trespasses and/or does damage to our property -– which he does regularly and it seems to have gotten worse recently.

The sum total of these recent events -– all relatively normal in life -– is that I’m mad as hell. I’m on edge. I’m irritated. I want to run away. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. My go-to instinct when I was my older son’s age was always to “run away.” That was my strategy when I was in a relationship that wasn’t working out or I wanted to exit. Brave and effective.

Heck, I transferred colleges three times in three years! Hello? Who am I to be critical of my moody older son? Who am I to be irritated by my anal-compulsive wife who just wants to do her job as “our” realtor? As for my health issues, who am I to be ungrateful that I’ve even lived this long when truly great men died well before my age. Men like JFK and George Gershwin.

Well, it’s my life and it’s me who’s living it. I believe attitude is the only thing we can control so this reaction to this sum total of my recent life events is within my control. I’ll get over it. Maybe I need a “time out?” Maybe I should take a short hiatus away from my family. Heck, maybe they need a hiatus from me? What would you suggest?

Postscript: It’s about 48 hours after I wrote this column. My root canal didn’t go that badly. My sons both reached out to me, and my wife actually smiled at me (once) so things are turning around. Reminds me why we NEVER should act in the moment, especially out of anger. Most things can wait a day or two and then they look a bit different…

                                                            * * *

Bruce is the author of “The Empty-Nest Road Trip Blues: An Interactive Journal from A Dad’s Point-of-View” and “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation.” He also is the radio host of “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View.” He gave up a long-term showbiz career to become a stay-at-home-dad. He has dedicated his new career to becoming THE Dad advocate, as well as explaining Social Media to the world in layman terms. He carries out his mission with not only his books and radio show, but also his column “A Dad’s Point-of-View”, syndicated worldwide, his “I’m NOT That Dad” vlogs, the “Because I Said So” comic strip, and his dedication to his community on Facebook and Twitter. Join Bruce and his extensive community each Thursday for #DadChat, from 6-7pm PST, the Tweet Chat that Bruce hosts.

 

Comments powered by Disqus