June 11, 2008
BOOK REVIEW: 'Boys Should be Boys' Helps Parents Focus on What Their Sons Really Need -- and It's Not More 'Stuff'
By David M. Kinchen
Huntingtonnews.net Book Critic
While I was reading "Boys Should be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons" by Meg Meeker, M.D. (Regnery, 287 pages, $24.95) the "fire in the hole" incident was all over TV like a rash. This was the YouTube filming of a 17-year-old boy tossing his full soda container at a Taco Bell drive-through attendant, yelling "fire in the hole."
Yet another example of kids behaving badly, like the teen-age girls ganging up to beat a girl, also YouTubed. I was particularly struck by the "sentence" imposed by the judge in the pop throwing incident, who made the boy apologize and post it on YouTube! Now his horrible behavior is immortal, because nothing ever disappears in the cyberworld.
Meeker, a pediatrician who practices in Traverse City, MI, with her husband Walter, is the mother of four children. In addition to her two decades of medical practice, she's been there and done that with raising children. She provides the perplexed parent -- and virtually all parents are perplexed at least part of the time -- with sound advice about rearing boys who will become mature, loving, caring men.
Meeker reminds us, if that's necessary, that parenting has changed in this age of electronics, and the change is for the worse. So what's a mother or father -- and she's adamant that both parents must be present for the best results -- to do despite a toxic culture that relentlessly undermines masculine virtues such as moral strength, self-restraint, and respect for women.
Here are Meeker's seven secrets:
* Why the most important factor in shaping your son's behavior isn't "peer pressure" (it's you)
* How to preserve your son's innocence (and why it's essential to help him grow up)
* Why boys need less, not more--whether it's computer games, organized sports, or lessons
* How to talk to your son--the pitfalls that moms and dads face
* Why it's not normal for teenage boys to be moody and rebellious
* Why teaching your son about virtue isn't an option, it's a necessity
The book has dozens of case histories, so most readers will be able to recognize one or more that will fit their own parenting experiences. Some of the case histories brought tears to my eyes, as I responded intensely to acts of kindness on the part of boys.
As I was reading the book, I had what National Public Radio refers to as a "driveway moment" -- even though I was reading the book in bed. On page 181, in the chapter entitled "The Forgotten Step from Boyhood to Manhood," Meeker states: "Every boy in America needs a man in order to become a man."
Coming from a family riven by divorce, I responded immediately to that sentence -- which hit me like a blow to the forehead. I had a strong mother, but a boy needs male role models and for a long time I looked to my half brother Jerry Emke, from my mother's first marriage, as one of my role models. Jerry, who died eight years ago, was six years older, so there was a suitable age gap. Meeker cautions against using contemporaries as role models, especially if the contemporaries are chosen by mom or dad.
Jerry taught me everything I know about cars -- but not everything he knew. He was a mechanical genius and I learned from working with him that I had talents in the mechanical arena. A simple thing like visiting an auto graveyard to find my first car became, as I later realized, part of growing up. Meeker says a boy loves his mother, but he has to learn respect from his father or a surrogate.
Later, in high school, I had strong, confident male teachers as role models. They helped make me a man by their example. That's one reason why it's important to have teachers like I had growing up in a small town in Illinois.
Meeker emphasizes the importance of religion in every boy's life, something that might not sit too well with some parents.
In addition to the seven "secrets" in the title, Meeker also provides a "top 10" list for raising sons, in the reverse order popularized by David Letterman:
10) Give him the best of yourself
9) Watch, then watch again
8) Be his hero
7) Persevere
6) Insist on self-respect
5) Teach him to serve
4) Help him find purpose and passion
3) Help his masculinity grow
2) Raise him from the inside out
1) Know that you change his world
The case histories provided by Meeker illuminate these 10 tips.
You don't need a five-foot shelf of books on raising a son; One book -- Meeker's "Boys Should be Boys" -- will do just fine.
I recommend this from-the-heart, very readable book without reservation.
Publisher's web site: www.regnery.com
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BOOK REVIEW: 'Boys Should be Boys' Helps Parents Focus on What Their Sons Really Need -- and It's Not More 'Stuff'
By David M. Kinchen
Huntingtonnews.net Book Critic
While I was reading "Boys Should be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons" by Meg Meeker, M.D. (Regnery, 287 pages, $24.95) the "fire in the hole" incident was all over TV like a rash. This was the YouTube filming of a 17-year-old boy tossing his full soda container at a Taco Bell drive-through attendant, yelling "fire in the hole."
Yet another example of kids behaving badly, like the teen-age girls ganging up to beat a girl, also YouTubed. I was particularly struck by the "sentence" imposed by the judge in the pop throwing incident, who made the boy apologize and post it on YouTube! Now his horrible behavior is immortal, because nothing ever disappears in the cyberworld.
Meeker, a pediatrician who practices in Traverse City, MI, with her husband Walter, is the mother of four children. In addition to her two decades of medical practice, she's been there and done that with raising children. She provides the perplexed parent -- and virtually all parents are perplexed at least part of the time -- with sound advice about rearing boys who will become mature, loving, caring men.
Meeker reminds us, if that's necessary, that parenting has changed in this age of electronics, and the change is for the worse. So what's a mother or father -- and she's adamant that both parents must be present for the best results -- to do despite a toxic culture that relentlessly undermines masculine virtues such as moral strength, self-restraint, and respect for women.
Here are Meeker's seven secrets:
* Why the most important factor in shaping your son's behavior isn't "peer pressure" (it's you)
* How to preserve your son's innocence (and why it's essential to help him grow up)
* Why boys need less, not more--whether it's computer games, organized sports, or lessons
* How to talk to your son--the pitfalls that moms and dads face
* Why it's not normal for teenage boys to be moody and rebellious
* Why teaching your son about virtue isn't an option, it's a necessity
The book has dozens of case histories, so most readers will be able to recognize one or more that will fit their own parenting experiences. Some of the case histories brought tears to my eyes, as I responded intensely to acts of kindness on the part of boys.
As I was reading the book, I had what National Public Radio refers to as a "driveway moment" -- even though I was reading the book in bed. On page 181, in the chapter entitled "The Forgotten Step from Boyhood to Manhood," Meeker states: "Every boy in America needs a man in order to become a man."
Coming from a family riven by divorce, I responded immediately to that sentence -- which hit me like a blow to the forehead. I had a strong mother, but a boy needs male role models and for a long time I looked to my half brother Jerry Emke, from my mother's first marriage, as one of my role models. Jerry, who died eight years ago, was six years older, so there was a suitable age gap. Meeker cautions against using contemporaries as role models, especially if the contemporaries are chosen by mom or dad.
Jerry taught me everything I know about cars -- but not everything he knew. He was a mechanical genius and I learned from working with him that I had talents in the mechanical arena. A simple thing like visiting an auto graveyard to find my first car became, as I later realized, part of growing up. Meeker says a boy loves his mother, but he has to learn respect from his father or a surrogate.
Later, in high school, I had strong, confident male teachers as role models. They helped make me a man by their example. That's one reason why it's important to have teachers like I had growing up in a small town in Illinois.
Meeker emphasizes the importance of religion in every boy's life, something that might not sit too well with some parents.
In addition to the seven "secrets" in the title, Meeker also provides a "top 10" list for raising sons, in the reverse order popularized by David Letterman:
10) Give him the best of yourself
9) Watch, then watch again
8) Be his hero
7) Persevere
6) Insist on self-respect
5) Teach him to serve
4) Help him find purpose and passion
3) Help his masculinity grow
2) Raise him from the inside out
1) Know that you change his world
The case histories provided by Meeker illuminate these 10 tips.
You don't need a five-foot shelf of books on raising a son; One book -- Meeker's "Boys Should be Boys" -- will do just fine.
I recommend this from-the-heart, very readable book without reservation.
Publisher's web site: www.regnery.com
E-mail HNN Yahoo Google
Make HNN Your Homepage (IE Users Only)
