COLUMN: Pushing Up Daisies - Grief is Permanent

by Tracy Renee Lee
COLUMN:  Pushing Up Daisies - Grief is Permanent

It is important to understand that grief, the grief we suffer upon the loss of a significant loved one, is an experience that once introduced into your soul, does not depart. There is a very reasonable explanation for this.


If one forms a significant attachment, which we identify and call love, whereby all that one is, all that one has, and all that one desires, becomes wholly connected with the second individual, and if the two are equally, or near equally attached and in agreement, the two shall join.

Their union will usually be through marriage, either holy matrimony or common law. This union is legally binding and recognized as a family. This family can expand by creating new souls which are the creation of their union. This expansion is the miracle of all miracles and calls into action the highest passion, passion beyond reason, known not only to the human race but to almost all living mammals.

Indeed, parents, and especially grandparents, will not only sacrifice their fortunes but their lives for their offspring. Quite often, family members rush to the rescue of one of their own before they even realize what is transpiring. They will find themselves in the fray of significant squirmish over something that might otherwise be interpreted as completely insignificant should the subjects not share a kinship. With this in mind, is it any wonder that the loss of any member of the family unit is cause for extreme suffering and pain? Moreover, should one be surprised that once engaged, grief is permanent. After all, the attachment, commitment, and love of kinship are permanent. In other terms, death does not render the connections of kinship obsolete. Therefore, as death does not dissolve kinship, one should not expect the attachment, commitment, and love seated deep within the soul to dissolve either. If the loss of one’s physical presence brings on longing, loneliness, and intensely physical, as well as emotional pain, one should logically expect, coinciding with a kinship that this state of grief would likewise remain permanently.

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Grief III

Grief is permanent after the loss of a significant loved one.

Its manifestations, however, vary within and between each individual.

That is to say, that your grief will manifest itself very strongly on some days and not nearly as intensely on other days.

Reminders, as well, can bring on varying intensities of grief. (Mourning Light III, 2019)

As survivors participate in their daily activities and obligations, their minds will be preoccupied with matters at hand. These matters tend to assist the survivor in momentarily pushing their grief to the side. As time progresses, one learns to set aside their grief for longer periods of time so that they are better able to perform their duties and relieve the pain within their souls.

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Integrated Grief II

Integrated grief is the adaptation attained by the survivor to the loss of their loved one.

Adaptation does not end the suffering of grief.

Rather, it is that point at which a survivor has skillfully learned how to control thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so that he/she more positively affects his/her experience and allows him/herself to remember and honor his/her loved one.

Integrated grief ushers inward peace into the heart of the survivor where he/she can build a relationship with his/her decedent where comfort, love, and peace may co-exist. (Mourning Light III, 2019)

If after a while a survivor finds that things are not moving along in a positive direction or that they remain unable to cope with the loss of their loved one, they may be suffering acute grief.

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Acute Grief II

Survivors suffering acute grief usually focus their energies on thoughts of the deceased.

It can be difficult for them to think of anything or anyone else.

Acute grief almost always includes extreme yearning for the decedent, as well as, longing, bitterness, anxiety, anger, sadness, guilt, remorse, and/or shame.

Acute grief dominates a survivor’s life and robs them of their peace.

It is suggested that one suffering acute grief seek out the assistance of a certified or licensed grief counselor. (Mourning Light III, 2019)

Acute grief is a form of complicated grief. Complicated grief is not suffered by most survivors. Indeed, although most survivors believe that they suffer grief complications, they are suffering the normal trials associated with grief recovery. However, if after six months to one year a survivor remains unable to progress toward resolution, complicated grief may be a viable concern.

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Complicated Grief Treatment

It is important to know that complicated grief is treatable.

It requires the assistance of specialized grief counselors and therapists.

Complicated Grief Treatment focuses on helping survivors adapt to their loss through identifying and resolving the complications blocking recovery, and teaching and implementing natural adaptive processes.

Once maladaptive behaviors have been identified, the survivor is able to recognize unhelpful behaviors and patterns.

At this juncture, survivors are better able to adjust their coping skills and recovery techniques.

Certified and licensed grief counselors are then able to present natural adaptations and assist survivors in implementation, moving them toward recovery.

Research studies show 70% of complicated grief sufferers obtain improvement with the assistance of certified grief counselors and licensed therapists knowledgeable in complicated grief treatment. (Mourning Light III, 2019)

If you find yourself lost in a cycle of grief that seems to gyrate in a never-ending vortex, please seek out the assistance of a certified grief counselor or a licensed therapist. Suffering the greatest pain known to living souls is not sustainable for good health. If your loss has been over six months to one year ago, please consider seeking out assistance. It may very well be your greatest gift to yourself. Although grief is permanent, there comes a time when you should, and deserve, to live a life of peace. Your loved one would want that for you. Recovery does not mean that we forget or lose our love for our cherished loved ones. It simply means that we have integrated them from a loving participant in our daily lives into a loving memory within our hearts. There we can cherish and remember them without suffering for them.

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